User:HenryBull

Mr Bull aka “The deadliest man on earth” is a professional Jiu-Jitsu Shaolin monk and tiger style counter-boxing Kung Fu genius. Throughout his lifetime, his notorious reputation has only grown stronger and stronger to the point where just a mention of his name can be enough to kill a man.

It is estimated that during his life, Bull has killed over 950,000 people for a variety of reasons.

~Birth

Nobody really knows how Bull was born or where he was born, in fact, nobody knows whether he was even born at all! You see, crawling out of a wet pussy is not the way a badass Shaolin monk enters the world; word on the street is that he was formed during a high collision between a dynamite blast and a dragon's breath.

People from around the time (who have now mysteriously vanished) used to talk about seeing a young boy with a moustache roaming the streets alone, knocking down buildings with one punch. Bull grew up without a mother or father; instead, he was raised by a pack of wild tigers on the outskirts of New York whom he learnt a lot from. They taught him how to stalk prey, how to use surroundings as an advantage, how to stay alert, and most importantly, how to hunt and eat other humans.

~His first major duel

However, one thing led to another and the tiger leader, Mikey, challenged Bull to a duel in the pentagon of death. Being a man of honour, Bull had to accept or be called a faggot throughout his life, which in Shaolin terms, is the worst insult a warrior can ever be called. The edges of the pentagon were lit with satanic flames, and the battle commenced. The conflict lasted roughly 8 days before Bull applied a chimpanzee groin-lock which killed Mikey instantly. Looking down upon his “father’s” corpse, Bull shed a few tears of blood – tears he has never shed since (apart from the ending of Jaws).

~Training and Ass Kickery

After killing his first mentor, Bull’s heart turned into a popsicle. He didn’t give a fuck about anyone, anything, or anyone (extra emphasis on anyone). You look at him wrong? You lose your life. You say something bad to him? You lose your life. You touch him? You lose your life. You walk by without respecting him? He’ll give you a cookie. Not really, you fucking dumbass. If Barb was here now you’d be dead as a motherfucker just for thinking that.

Mr. Bull (as he prefers to be called) retreated to the solitude of the Coco Wonka mountains to perfect his art of combat. Painstaking hour after hour, day after day, year after year was spent on slowly but surely improving the Holy skill of ass kicking. He’d chop through rocks using only his mind and would practice breaking bones by breaking tree trunks; nobody dare disturb him when he was in this mood. Nobody.

Bull travelled the country fighting the best warriors out there, until he ran into Grimace Burns, who at the time was considered the deadliest man on earth. They knew that this would be a battle for the ages (that’s right, even bigger than King Kong vs. Godzilla), so they both agreed to fight on top of the Deathly Violent Volcano of Doom surrounded by Lava of Death! The whole world went silent as these two badass goliaths duked it out toe to toe, mano et mano. Fists flew, kicks rained, head butts fell, knees slammed, teeth bit, fingers nipped, nails scratched…The fight lasted months before Bull sent a spinning heel kick to Burns’ jaw which sent him tumbling from the volcano. The whole world went crazy! There was a new deadliest man on earth, and his name was motherfucking Mr. Bull!

~Current Day

Until this day, Bull lives a mysterious life. Sightings of him in public are very rare, but when he is spotted, it's quite a fucking sight; sporting his steely thick blonde hair and moustache, his red robe and skull belt, it's quite hard to miss this motherfucker. Every now and then he makes an appearance at his good friend Lloyd Bull's Kung-Fu school, Survival Instincts, and he also likes to stop off for a nice glass of piping hot grape juice from time to time.

Through reading this article, you probably won't want to leave the house for 300 years, but don't worry, Bull only starts shit on those that bring ruckus. So, if you're nice to him, he'll leave you be, but don't be too nice 'cause nobody likes a pussy.