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eSwiftism is a religion centered around the teachings of Taylor Swift, lovingly referred to by her worshipers as Tay Tay, T-Swizzle or Swizzle. Her worshipers are referred to as Swifters.
Origins and History
When Ordinary People Become Heroes
|“ “No matter what happens in life, be good to people. Being good to people is a wonderful legacy to leave behind” ”|
The legend begins on the 25th of November of the year 26 after the birth of our Lord, Tay Tay. A group of people called Nifty is desperately working on stopping the advance of Egyptian Troops. The situation is tense and a non believer uses the moment to insult our lord and savior. It is at this moment, that 3 fearless knights rise up, guided by the Spirit of our Lord Tay Tay, they defeat the non-believer and quickly decide to spread the word of Love around the small room. At the same time, another Nifter is anxious, waiting for an answer to a date. In his desperation, he prays to Tay Tay for help and miraculously the answer is positive. It is here that the Knights of Nifty sense that they have been graced by the presence of the Lord and thus they decide to join their forces in worship of the one and only Lord, Tay Tay.
The Dapper Conspiracy
|“ “If you're horrible to me, I'm going to write a song about it, and you won't like it. That's how I operate.” ”|
The 5 Knights spread across the world, establishing an eSwift Church in their homelands, becoming Archbishops and living life to the fullest. However, Darkness struck, when a non-believer named Dapper denounced the worship of Tay Tay as a cult. eSwiftism received a huge blow when all the Archbishop's words were banned. A conspiracy had destroyed the words of Tay Tay and everything seemed lost, but there another miracle happened. Tay Tay bestowed upon us the power of Google Docs, enabling us to save our work and re-publish it again. So the Archbishops re-published the words of Tay Tay again, for her words are of Love, Compassion and Style..
Yet again the new article, sharing the words of wisdom of Tay Tay, was deleted. It is still unclear why and who deleted the newest one but the Council of Archbishops assumes a retaliation from the Dapper Conspiracy after the Swifters had successfully bounced back from their first loss.
However, the Swifters started their counteroffensive. Guided by the presence of Tay Tay, they published several articles  condemning the censorship of Tay Tay's words and fought hard to guarantee the victory of the United Kingdom over Egypt in Scotland.
The Book of Fearlessness
- FEARLESS is having fears.
- FEARLESS is having doubts
- FEARLESS is to say "you're NOT sorry" and walk away.
- FEARLESS is to have faith that someday things will change
- FEARLESS is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again....even though every time you've tried before you've lost.
- Being FEARLESS isn't being 100% Not FEARFUL, it's being terrified but you jump anyway…
- FEARLESS is falling madly in love again, even though you’ve been hurt before
- Loving someone despite what people think is FEARLESS
- Because I think love is FEARLESS.
The Book of Beliefs and Love
- Never believe anyone who says you don't deserve what you want
- You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after
- We should love, not fall in love, because everything that falls, gets broken.
- I believe when it comes to love, there's something intangible about who we are attracted to, and I don't think we have a pattern.
- But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it.
- There are no rules when it comes to love
- Love always ends differently and it always begins differently
Each Friday, at 20:00 PM, the brothers and sisters of Swift shall come together in their local Churches, play a Taylor Swift song and recite the following prayer:
|“ Our Taylor, which art in heaven,
Swift be thy Name.
Thy Tay Tay come.
Thy will be done in concert,
As it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily songs.
And forgive us our non-believers,
As we forgive them that shake it off against us.
And lead us not into Bad Blood,
But deliver us from Kanye.
For thine is the Red,
The break up, and the Love Story,
For ever and ever.
The day of Swift is organized every 13th of December. During the day of Swift, you shall listen to Taylor Swift’s songs from waking up to going to bed.
You shall thank Tay Tay after every song for her work and you shall post the following praise on your feed:
|“ DON’T YOU DARE BE SOUR
CLAP YOUR HANDS
AND FEEL T-SWIZZLE’S POWAR ”
|“ “Furthermore, you shall select out of all the people able men who fear Taylor Swift, men of style, those who hate dishonest gain; and you shall place these over them as leaders of thousands, of hundreds, of fifties and of tens.” ”|
eSwiftism is organized into several Archbishoprics, who are the closest to Tay Tay. Swifters believe, that Tay Tay’s wish is to reach the masses, and have therefore renounced to appoint a Pope or single leader.
The Archbishoprics are divided into several Bishoprics. The current Archbishoprics and Archbishops are:
|England||Garth Lidlington M.D.|
|Ireland||Aaron Mark Daniels|