EMERICKA

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The Story of Emerick's Ascension to God Status

On December 17th, 2009, Emerick began his quest to the heavens to gain his rightful place of eGod, next to Dio himself.

(Crafted and told by the S.E.E.S. team)

The First Trial

From Max McFarland 2's Article Attack on /v/akistan

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So it was that upon becoming aware of these events, I decided that the time had come for action. I rallied to my side certain allies of Emerick, such as Seal Team Six, the Great Ape, the S.E.E.S., the Prophet, some US Senators who were rather bored, and a random assortment of other mercenaries. But, not Chisholm, because he was too busy being a pansy nancy-boy who followed orders. I then called upon my dear friend and ancient enemy of Pakistan, Big Brother, to join us in battle. I also invited Laya, because she is a p cool tank. Together, we made plans to strike a blow against AgentChieftain and recover the body of Emerick, amongst other things.

So it was that last Saturday, in order to recover the body of Emerick, I gathered by allies and left the nation for a day, forsaking over a dozen active endorsements for USA Country President. The cost was high, but worth it. We had intelligence that AgentChieftain was resting in Marmara, on his way from Nigeria to Greece, with the body of Emerick in tow. The moment would soon pass; the time had come for action!

We launched a surprise attack upon AgentChieftain, Supreme Priest of Dio, and his guards, striking them unawares! Big Brother moved immediately to assault AgentChieftain, reminding him bitterly of their last conflict, when Big Brother impeached AgentChieftain. No surprise who lost both times.

Meanwhile, the S.E.E.S. first blessed the assembled mercenaries and led them in the making of Manly Insults, then our mighty force struck such a blow against the Pakistanis that the aftershocks toppled their flagpole, returning Marmara to Turkey. In the confusion of battle, I was able to secure Emerick's body and bring it back to the USA. Meanwhile, a crack team of Seals were able to steal some Pakistani government documents from AgentChieftain's luggage. From what I understand, AgentChieftain fled to Punjab following the battle.

The Pakistani Special Forces quickly deployed to the aid of AgentChieftain, but alas, they are no longer the exceptionally large and capable military force they were when once they stood alongside us against the Canadians. Instead, in their current befuddled state, they simply attacked Turkey by mistake. The Great Ape, a renowned philanthropist, attempted to assist Turkey with the aid of Seal Team Six, but unfortunately the Turks and Pakis kept chasing each other in circles until they tired everyone out, leaving part of Turkey in Pakistani hands and allowing India and Serbia to conquer Pakistan while the Pakistani Special Forces were distracted. How sad. This would never have happened if Dio were present to guide them. Perhaps one day Dio will return? Perhaps, better yet, our own God shall rise, Emerick of Emerika, to replace Dio, unifying the people as has not happened since the Can-Am War?

Meanwhile, after the battle, King Kitty and I re-convened for a quick review of those government documents, specifically, medical records for Dio Brando. You see, about two weeks ago Josh and I decided the world could use some house-cleaning of defunct Gods. Specifically, Dio. So, Josh snuck into Dio's tent and slipped some slow-acting poison into his curry; Dio has been starving to death ever since. While we were at it, we figured he might as well poison Michael Lewis too. We are happy to report that they each have two feet in the grave, with an eye toward diving in. Will anyone save them? You can treat the symptoms daily, but the poison will never leave their systems.

As for Emerick, I then immediately moved him to a safe place, in preparation for the next phase of my plan. Do not bother searching for him, I have hidden him where you may never find him, deep within Xenia, Ohio. If you are unfamiliar with Xenia, Ohio, watch the movie Gummo. Be warned; you will leave dazed and confused wondering how exactly you lost that span of your life. I might also be lying about Xenia, but he is in Ohio. Also, the clones. I have stocked the state with Emerick clones, so that only I know where to find the real Emerick. You don't remember the clones? I mentioned them above. Emerick did once fight for Indonesia, after all, and as we all know they have quite the advanced cloning program.

I sent a demand to President Jewitt for the immediate erection of a defense system, to defend the comatose body of Emerick. I demanded a mighty Q5 Fortress,, or at least a low-standing Q1 Picket Fence. I even offered to pay for it. Sadly, I have responded no response other than some teasing from Vice President PigInZen. I await their compliance with my demands.

The way forward is simple. I will keep feeding Emerick his daily dose of poison. Sadly, some underground resistance members are actually feeding him food. I kindly ask them to stop. Anyone who truly loves Emerick will let him die. The man must die before God may rise.

The Sacrifice of Dan Wang

After the recovery of Emerick's body, the still beating heart of the pure virgin fgt is needed. After a few posts, it became clear that Dan Wang was the necessary sacrifice...