Helm Hammerhand
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Helm Hammerhand was a Serbian citizen. He was born in Šumadija on day 593 of the New World.
Employment
According to him, Helm was a pretty lazy employee. However, somehow he managed to earn 54 Hard Worker achievements.
Military
Helm is a 
God of War*.
He fought for Pakistan, Serbia and their allies.
He currently owns 141 Super Soldier achievements.
Serving in Garda
Helm is a former member of Garda (Guard) military unit.
He joined Garda as a young citizen, although he messed up a lot of stuff there, the time spent in Garda remained in his memory as one of the dearest moments in his life.
At first he was just an ordinary soldier, later on, he became deputy major of Isidora Enigma, a great soldier and person. After some time Isidora Enigma was honorably discharged and so he became the major and a company of ten men was assigned to him. He also had the pleasure of Anybite being assigned to him as his deputy major. These two had a lot of fun with their soldiers, constantly messing around with them but still managing their duties and responsibilities towards Garda.
Somehow, despite his own incompetence he managed to move up the ranks and join the great team at Garda's headquarters. This brief period of time remained obscure in his memory and after some time he found himself honorably discharged from service.
Serving in Gvozdeni Puk
After almost a year of quiet and peaceful life Helm's PTSD started to kick in, he couldn't get rid of the terrible war images that were haunting him, the war was not yet over, he felt he needed to finish what he had started and also he missed his soldier life, especially the wet towel fights after group showers at the barracks, so he was easily persuaded by Tris Marko and ProDeran to join Gvozdeni Puk (Iron Regiment).
It was easy for him to readopt his old military routines but he had trouble to comply with the attitudes of his fellow soldiers. As he later found out Gvozdeni Puk was filled with alpha males who couldn't adhere to Helm's concept of love. But Helm kept pushing and soon the whole unit cherished the idea of free love. In honor of that, Helm decided to make changes to the old Gvozdeni Puk's avatar and replace it with a version[1] now more suitable to the unit and its members. This gesture was gladly accepted by his comrades.
For a short period of time, everything was good, Serbia was winning battles, enemies were slain in a humane manner, men were in high spirits, and a colorful rainbow used to rise above the battlefield wherever Gvozdeni Puk showed up. But out of the blue, a great tragedy struck. Mali Smor, a fellow soldier dear to all members of Gvozdeni Puk decided to end his young life. He even asked Helm to publish his suicidal note[2] so he could say his last goodbye. After his passing away Gvozdeni Puk's IRC channel went silent, a heavy burden lied upon the hearts of men. Helm decided that he won't let this bring him down and so he remained a loyal member of Gvozdeni Puk, but he only managed to stay in the unit for a few months before asking for a discharge.
Serving in Tesla Troopers
Once again the time has come for him to dust off his old latex military uniform and step in the first line of Serbian army's battle ranks.
This time he put himself under the command of the slender whips of Tesla Troopers' three domino ladies coolinbun, danijelkg and G mol.
Joining Tesla Troopers was his longtime wish, he got tired of making tough and insensitive soldiers care for each other and cherish each other, he wanted a place that would feel like home, he wanted to be among his own, so he joined this bunch of sissies.
He was the commander of the 8th squadron, being in command of one soldier - himself. He was somewhat active member of Tesla Troopers, often seen in The Holy Land of Sindh, bleeding his pants off.
Politics
Lacking the required ambition, competence and wits he never ran for any official position outside his party.
Gay Supreme Union
Being a massive faggot it was only suitable for him to become a member of Gay Supreme Union party. Becoming a party president, he published a series of articles, constituting party organisation and addressing to the public while promoting common faggotry.
Foreign office
On day 1491 Helm was appointed Serbian Ambassador to Poland. After being sworn in as the Ambassador to Poland he changed his residence to Szczebrzeszyn in Little Poland where he helped establish Consulate of Serbia. Soon after that he started neglecting his ambassadorial duties and became obsessed with chasing crickets all over the place.
Being over estimated Helm decided to indulge his curiosity and so he became a member of Serbain MoFA team where he served during Milan85's May term alongside Splindza, coolinbun, Sever Vetrovnik and Akasuna Itachi. Luckily for him and his country his service ended pretty soon, before he managed to mess something up.
Media
Helm was a lame journalist, according to him, and he owned Rohirric Herald.
The newspaper was started on day 1330 of The New World and at this moment it has around 750 subscribers who are getting brainwashed on a regular basis.
Personal Information
Faith
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This page contains fictional information. (What's this?) |
While still young and inexperienced Helm was seduced by the enchanting words of Holy Pavke and so he devoted his body and soul to the worship of His Holiness.
He was silent, yet humble, and pious believer, his faith in Holy Pavke was as strong as Pavke's determination on the destruction of The Den of All Evil, on rare occasions, he could be seen exalting The Holy Name of Pavke on many different IRC channels.
He used to spend most of his time praying but, during his spare time, he was also worshipping Swans, Flowers and Lamps by smelling the Swans and Flowers and licking Lamps as a part of a holy rite.
But one day, suddenly the truth emerged and rendered Pavke as a mere demagogue and it turned out that The Holy Sword of dukisha was just another myth, a hideous lie.
Helm was crushed, he instantly renounced Pavke and declared himself an apostate to Pavkeism.
Although Helm has ceased all of his religious activities he could still be seen licking Lamps and smelling Swans and Flowers (some say that this strange behavior had nothing to do with him keeping his faith in Swans, Flowers and Lamps but that it became a dangerous addiction).
After renouncing Pavke, Helm decided not to follow any of The New World's official religions but to form his own heretic movement and make himself a heresiarch until this new religion is officially established and recognized. After managing to attract only one and a half-believer he decided to repent and devote his life to the only true deity of The New World - Dio Brando.
Ideology
Helm is a true Serbian patriot. This means that he strongly believes that the Serbs have descended to The New World from the skies and that Croatia should be destroyed.
All of Helm's ideological believes can be merged in these two main believes (in this exact order):
- Pissing people off
- The Truth
| “ Truth matters. It's the most useful tool to piss people off ” | |
| (Helm Hammerhand)
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Love Life
Helm was in love with many creatures (humans, plants, animals etc.) but he felt rather lonely because he didn't found his perfect soulmate.
After reaching his mental and physical maturity (level 18) Helm began his search for a suitable spouse/manwife. Although he could most likely to be seen on IRC channels shamelessly sexting with everyone he can, Helm's charm was only once resisted. Hard to believe but true.
![[1]](http://img17.imageshack.us/img17/6615/cggp.jpg){kind=link}