The Jewitt Report
The Jewitt Report is a Tennessee-based newspaper. It is renowned for bias, proper grammar, and satirical articles. It is pressed in Cookeville, a small micropolitan city in between Nashville and Knoxville. As of 14 February, 2009, The Report was ranked #10 out of all USA newspapers, and on 13 February, 2009, it reached its 200th subscriber, John Woodman. On March 20th, it reached its 300th subscriber. On May 14th, it reached its 400th subscriber. Just two months later on July 14th, it would reach 600 subscribers. On August 10th it would reach 1,000 subscribers. It truly was the fastest growing USA news agency with it becoming 1,200 subscribers strong on August 21st.
The goals of The Jewitt Report is to bring a voice to issues that many have been either over looked or are not well explained in the mass media. It promotes input from citizens of all genres, and encourages interaction with the newspaper to promote its image of being a "Citizens Media." All articles contain any combination of personal interviews, past published material from other media, and documents from business reports to government law.
The following is a synopsis of the Mission Statement of The Jewitt Report:
- To communicate openly with the public and present all sources publicly.
- To participate in the Tennessee society and abroad in the country.
- Interaction with other media; national or from other countries.
- Participation in investigations, controversies, and protest coverage.
- To inform, educate, and make known the issues which affect the USA.
- To never claim to be unbiased, but always take into consideration all viewpoints.
The Jewitt Report is a published newspaper which produces at least one article every week (seven  days), depending on demand, the requirements of subjects, and so forth. It operates on a platform which demands civil interaction and often requests involuntary input - refusal typically brings criticism. Its topics and article subjects are fueled by suggestions and feedback by reviewers, readers, and the citizens of USA. All topics are suggestions from others, and everyone is encouraged to message Jewitt with subjects.
- The Editor's Desk is a public forum where the public can vent about hot issues. There have been liability claims, as the state of Tennessee revoked Jewitt's Psychologist Licensure back in December of 2008. Luckily, the state of Florida was stripped of cash after their lobbying for a Q5 hospital, and gave into a "generous donation." Since then, all court cases have been ignored and summits have been thrown away.
- The Department of Public Relations has often times been a center of controversy. After a Canadian break-up of The Report's "Eskimo Literacy Camps," Spain was chosen as the next place to house the Department of P.R., or "DuPeR" for short. After union protests on wages, the Department was then moved to Albania to seek its lively population.
- The Department of Marketing is a new concept to The Report and has released Report Rolls (formerly tested on Swede children). More products are expected soon.
The format of The Jewitt Report is quite simple. Bold titles are different topics of conversation usually. Common paragraph and semi-colon -> example formats are all used regularly.
- There is no disclaimer posted in the articles, but one exists. It is known only to a select few and is subject to manipulation. The Jewitt Report is not responsible for anything it admits to or promotes, and Jewitt is only an editor, and should not be held accountable.
Top Five Articles
For ease of navigation, all articles have a link to the original article. If not published in the USA, it will have a "flag button" symbolizing the country which it was published in. If it says Internationally Rated at the end, it means it reached the Top 5 of the International News.
- "I am eAmerica!" Internationally Rated
- "Listen up eNation!" (Congressional Response to Federal Reserve Crisis) Internationally Rated
- "Ashes, Ashes, and We All Fall Down!"
- "Where does the eUS Stand? (Concerning Atlantis Economies)" Internationally Rated
- "The eUS is Poor, So Why Buy Constructions?"
- "Keeping up with the News: Late Night Edition"
- "A President's Day Article"
- "Do You Want a Strong USD or a Weak One?"
- "Dirt Revealed: Presidential Candidates"
- "Sabotage and Foreigners in Congressional Elections!"
- "A Presidential Platform"
- "Addressing the Economy; What to do, eAmerica?"
- "Oaxaca - A Tactical Nightmare?"
- "Report Exclusive: Impeachment Proposed by Congress"
- "Why they ain't starvin'!"
- "eAmerica: You Will Never Succeed" Internationally Rated
- "If Crying 'Conspiracy!' is Treason, Call me a Traitor"
- "Election Review: Snipers Shoot and Zombies turn Human?"
- "Singapore Was Slapped; Let's Fix the Bruise" ()
- "PEACE G.C. is Attacking us at Home (A Call to Arms)"
- "Vice President's Office: Addressing Concerns" ()
- "Free Trade Died In the New World"
- "Far Eastern Region, a Victory?"
- "Resistance War Started in Jerusalem (Israel)" ()
- "Alaska Attacked, Brigadier General Speaks about PEACE Threat"
- "The Loss of Washington is the Beginning..."
- "An Open Letter to Kaliningrad" ()
- "A Gilded Policy" ()
- "Over There - A Victory in Canada is a Victory at Home"
- "Mechanics v. Ideology" Internationally Rated
- "eUK - Need to Watch Your Spending (With Cats)" ()