Waffle Liberation Front
Critical thought is one hard thing that can't be teached. There is a spark needed to wake it, an astonishment. There always been a reason behind my actions, and it often was to wake people up, with comedy or "trolling" as you call it, one might realise the insignificance of all these squabbles. -Damhnaic
A spectre is haunting Ireland — the spectre of the Waffle. All the powers of old Ireland have entered into a holy alliance to exorcise this spectre: IPP and IFP, Dan Breen and Ronisu, Croats Radicals and Turkish police-spies.
Where is the party in opposition that has not been decried as Waffle-istic by its opponents in power? Where is the opposition that has not hurled back the branding reproach of Waffle-ing, against the more advanced opposition parties, as well as against its reactionary adversaries?
Two things result from this fact:
I. The Waffle is already acknowledged by all European powers to be itself a power.
II. It is high time that Waffle-ers should openly, in the face of the whole world, publish their views, their aims, their tendencies, and meet this nursery tale of the Spectre of the Waffle with a manifesto of the party itself.
To this end, Waffle-ists of various nationalities have assembled in Dublin and sketched the following manifesto, to be published in the English, French, German, Italian, Flemish and Danish languages.
The history of all hitherto existing society is the history of breakfast struggles.
Eggs and bacon, pancakes and syrup, in a word, oppressor and oppressed, stood in constant opposition to one another, carried on an uninterrupted, now hidden, now open fight, a fight that each time ended, either in a revolutionary reconstitution of society at large, or in the common ruin of the contending classes.
Our epoch, the epoch of the Party Politics, possesses, however, this distinct feature: it has simplified class antagonisms. Society as a whole is more and more splitting up into two great hostile camps, into two great classes directly facing each other — Political Parties and Waffles.
Thus, it is time for the Waffle-ers to rise under the Waffle’s flag, to unite together to fight off and break the Political Parties' domination. The weapons: Waffles, Maple Syrup and Bacon. Under the guidance of these, the people in arms shall unite and break every oppressing partisan power this epoch has come to know.
This is the first measures the Waffle-ers shall accomplish:
- 1. Respect none of our promises.
- 2. Abolition of abolition.
- 3. A heavy progressive or graduated obligation to brush your teeth.
- 4. Abolition of all rights to form a Political Party.
- 5. Free ponies for every citizens of eIreland.
- 6. Invasion of North Korea.
- 7. Slapping people in the face with waffles.
Waffle-ers of all countries, Unite!
Signed on day 1716 by