The Metaphoric Chronicles
Subchapter 1: The Poor Man
Only one road exists to exaltation and it was on this road a poor and homeless man resided. He too was on the path to exaltation and was in need of support. On this path many people passed on their way to exaltation. Traders, workers, soldiers. Men of all classes and cultures passed this road.
As the first man passed, the poor man asked for support. The man was a Spaniard. The Spanish man offered support, but only to let him fall once he had support. That... that... DOUBLE-SPANIARD. He then went his way, laughing and scoffing at the poor man as he continued down the path.
As the second man passed, the poor man asked for support. The man was a Swede. The Swedish man kicked the poor man and beat him with a stick. He told the poor man to crawl into a crevasse and rot away to die. Then the Swedish continued down the path.
As the third man passed, the poor man asked for support. The man was an Indonesian. The Indonesian man offered support, but he could only take a short amount of the path, as he was not strong enough.
A fourth man passed, and the poor man asked for support. This man was a Pakistani. The Pakistani offered the man support. First he washed the poor man's feet, he fed the poor man and gave him water, he offered the poor man a home and shelter and he carried the poor man up until the gates of exaltation.
It was at these gates the poor man showed his true form. It was our immortal and holy god Emperor, Dio Brando: My dear Pakistani, you have proved yourself as the worthiest of people. You and your people still are and always will be my holy children. and with those holy words the god Emperor put a cigar in that man's mouth, ascended to the sky and back into the universe's grasp. The man he blessed was none other than Commissiro El Cigar.
It was in that moment that Commissiro El Cigar acknowledged his purpose under the god Emperor's reign. He is to go forth and spread the word of the lord, the savior, the father, our holy and immortal god Emperor Dio Brando. He passed through the gates of exaltation.
Subchapter 2: Enriching The Lands
Commissiro El Cigar recognized his purpose. Alas, he had chewed his cigar but to a stump. In this moment he heard a voice from beyond: Drop the cigar butt he did as he was told, although he hesitated letting this holy artifact from falling to the ground, even if it was Pakistani soil.
As soon as Commissiro El Cigar's cigar butt hit the ground, it sank into the ground. Suddenly, the ground under him began to shake. He took a few steps back and slowly saw a plant rise from the spot where he dropped the cigar butt. It grew very quickly, rising, darkening in color and forming a solid and sturdy tree trunk. The leaves were brown and cigars were hanging from the branches. The smell was a delight to him and before him he saw the second miracle of the Lord, Dio Brando.
The first cigar tree. He went closer to inspect this miracle and it was not a hallucination, though very common in Pakistani plains. Again, he heard a voice from within: Go forth and spread the wealth.
And he did so. Commissiro El Cigar traveled through the lands, spreading the word of Dio Brando and enriching the lands with this glorious gift of god.
Contrary to cigars and cigarettes from other heathen countries, the Pakistani cigar is pure. Each cigar has a great taste which varies from region to region. Through this miracle, the people of Pakistan have come to riches and happiness.
Subchapter 3: Grace of Charity
One time ago, a man came to a Pakistani village. It was a Swedish man. He entered the village and was clearly visible to all in the village and it was quickly spoken around that a Swede had entered the village.
Once he had entered the village, he expected hostilities, but instead he was greeted with warmth and love.
He was invited into the first house and was greeted by music and dances. The people smiled at him and gave him beverages. Shocked and confused, he left the first house.
He was then invited into the second house, there was a great feast on the tables set up for him and around the tables were families, smiling and spreading joy into the heart of the Swede. He was confused but interested, yet he still left the second house.
He was invited into the third house and there he smelt the delicious fumes of the Pakistani cigars, the scent rose to his mind and cleared his lungs, it refreshed his soul of all hatred and filth and he was not shocked or confused anymore, he was interested and delighted, yet he still left the third house.
At last, even the Swede was smiling as he continued down the main road of the village. It was at the end of the village's main road, on the side he saw a great tree. It was under that tree he sat himself, closed his eyes and a miracle occurred. The man's hair became black, he grew a black beard and when he opened his eyes, his blue eyes had turned into a hazel brown. The people around him were amazed and shocked and fell to their knees in homage to our holy and immortal god Emperor.
The new-Paki looked around him and saw the modest people. He looked to his right and saw a godly figure of such glory, such grace and beauty it blinded him. He closed his eyes to protected his eyes, and when he opened them the figure was gone. It was in that moment that he found salvation.