|/v/irgin Birth · Crucifixion · Immortality|
|The Three Books|
| The Book of Dio |
The Circles of Dio · The Trumpets of Dio
|Pride · Power · Peace|
Yusuphist Dioism · Lidoxan Dioism
Non-Dioists · Anti-Dioists
| Dio Brando|
Altnabla · William Walker
Abdul Yusuf · Phaedrus Lidox
Falcon · AgentChieftain · Senor Schlong
|Topics in Dioism|
| Art · Censorship · Criticism · Marriage |
Other Religions · Pakistan · Virginization
Dioism is the state religion in the Holy Empire of Pakistan. It is the belief that the God Emperor of Pakistan, Dio Brando, created the eWorld and all the laws behind it. As such it is one of the worlds largest religions having many adherents from across the whole world [?], only competing with Capitalism for number of followers.[?]
All Dioists believe that we were all created from sand. They also believe that Dio is all and all is Dio. In many ways the politics of Dioists reflect these beliefs.
Main article: Dio Brando
Dio is believed to have come from sand and then created life as we know it. He is the GARest man alive and has a large harem of brides.
He is a kind and benevolent God Emperor, who only wishes for the well-being of his followers.
Main article: Sand
Sand is the most holy of all objects for Dioists. They use it to provide for all their basic needs. Sand kebabs are a popular food among them and they make some of the best houses in the world out of sand.
Dioists also have every major event in their life marked by sand. For example, when a baby is born they are given a baptism in sand which has a great meaning to them. Also, in death, it is almost without exemption that they are buried in the great sand deserts of Pakistan.
The Book of Dio
Main article: The Book of Dio
Said to be written by the great prophet William Walker, it is the most important and only book in Pakistan. It is the history of the religion of Dioism and as such the nation of Pakistan. Every follower of Dioism has this book completely memorized.
The official paper of the God Emperor. The word of Dio is transcribed on these pages for his devout followers to read.
See Also: Virginization
At birth male babies of Dioists parents are christened into the Church of Dio through a complicated ritual in which a Dioist pastor stretches out the foreskin to the point where it hangs loose. This extra skin is throughout life adorned with tattoos and other decorations honoring Dio. This does not hinder sexual activity as all Dioists take a vow of eternal virginity upon entering adulthood. How they reproduce is a mystery to this day.
They make this vow, among others, at a ceremony they may take at any point in their lives which initiates them as an adult. The Dioists definition of adulthood is "the age at which a man can beat a Contra game on Hard without losing a life." Throngs gather in the streets to watch fledgling adults attempt their initiation, which can sometimes take days or weeks. After completing the game, Dio himself travels to the site and performs a rite of initiation, a ritual so shrouded in mystery that not even Dio knows it.
When a follower of Dioism dies there is only one proper way to dispose of the body.
- Anyways, the first step is to please listen to me. This is really related to this topic.
- Go to Yoshinoya; you know, Yoshinoya?
- If there is an insane number of people there, look up at the banner, it might have "150 yen off" written on it.
- You, don't come to Yoshinoya just because it's 150 yen off, fool.
- It's only 150 yen, 1-5-0 YEN for crying out loud.
- There're even entire families there. Family of 4, all out for some Yoshinoya, huh? How... nice.
- "Alright, daddy's gonna order the exta-large." god I can't bear to watch.
- You people, I'll give you 150 yen if you get out of those seats.
- Yoshinoya should be a bloody place.
- That tense atmosphere, where two guys on opposite sides of the U-shaped table can start a fight at any time, the stab-or-be-stabbed mentality, that's what's great about this place.
- Women and children should screw off and stay home.
- Anyways, I was about to start easting and then the bastard beside me goes "extra-large, with extra sauce."
- Who in the world orders extra sauce nowadays, you moron?
- I want to interrogate him. I want to interrogate him for roughly an hour.
- Are you sure you don't just want to try saying "extra sauce"?
- Coming from a Yoshinoya veteran such as myself, the latest trend among us vets is this, extra green onion.
- That's right, extra green onion. This is the vet's way of eating.
- Extra green onion means more green onion than sauce. But on the other hand the price is a tad higher. This is the key.
- And then, it's delicious. This is unbeatable.
- However , if you order this then there is danger you'll be marked by the employees from next time on; it's a double-edged sword.
- I can't recommend it to amateurs.
- What this all really means, though, is that you should just stick with today's special.