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Goons were one of the world's largest ethnic groups. Originating in Greece, they have since dispersed to many regions of the New World. Primarily followers of Lidoxa, Goons have experienced a great deal of hardship at the hands of other dominant groups throughout history.
Origins of the Line
The story of the Goons is generally accepted to begin in Greece in the early days of the world. Rathen Holton, at the time a small-time street hustler, is said to have mated with a horse, having dozens of children with it. These children were discriminated against by their peers and forced therefore to inbreeding. In a short few generations, there existed a sizable population of such creatures.
Origins of the Term
By the time that Rathen's progeny numbered in the several hundreds, they began to open small businesses and banking houses, proving themselves to be industrious and skilled at finance. This drew the ire of the native Greeks who began to lose market share to these ambitious entrepreneurs that had appeared in their land. The dreaded president of the land at that time, Capelli King issued a warning to Rathen, saying "You and your goons can't push me off of the marketplace!" and thus the name was born.
Life In Greece
The success of the Goons was earning them no friends in Greece. In addition, their own prolific birth rates were quickly surpassing the ability of Greece to feed them. While this was most certainly a temporary situation, as most Goons immediately went about working in the Food industry to alleviate the problem, it was the final straw for the native Greeks. Capelli King, furious at these upstart peasants, decreed that every Goon child be thrown into the Aegean. In addition, King colluded with other of the natives including Foreigner 'the betrayer' to deny the older Goons any food at the market by pricing it far out of their ability to pay. This was facilitated by use of the Greek Congress to create a hyperinflation situation in which only natives would be given enough GRD to eat. Goon store windows were frequently broken by native street gangs and murders went unsolved by an indifferent native-run police force. The Goons were in trouble.
In this time of trouble, the cohesive community of the Goons decided to use their numbers collectively. They formed the Greek Republic Resistance party and began campaigning for the local and general elections. King, seeing the writing was on the walls, increased the inflation measures in the congress and prepared to flee the country with his ill-gotten gold. The elections finally came and it the Goons came to power in a landslide with Rathen Holton proclaimed President of the country. The population had also taken control of the congress and together the Goons began the long work of reversing the economic collapse orchestrated by Capelli King. King himself was killed by God for electoral fraud. At his trial, he attempted himself by saying "oh god how did this get here I am not good with voting" but God is all-knowing and he died in his sin. With the smiting of their chief rival, the Goon press was praising what they saw as a future of unbridled peace and prosperity. Unfortunately, the war drums were already beginning to beat in the East.
The Balkan War
Full Article: First Balkan WarAs soon as the Goons had taken power in Greece and set about forming a social paradise for all, a new menace reared its head: The Turk. From primordial times, the Turk has loathed any peoples who are better than they are and the Goons certainly are. The one thing the Turk had his disposal was Gold and brute force so they declared war upon the fledgling republic, in hopes of plucking the flower of Goon Democracy from the ground before it could blossom. A valiant struggle was launched by the Greco-Goons and their allies but the Turk and his hordes of mercenaries proved too powerful. The majority of Greece was devoured by the Turkish Empire.
In the wake of the conquest, Goonkind scattered to the four winds. Many moved to the sole remaining Greek province of Central Greece. Others remained in their homes in what was now Turkey and decided to work from within to thwart the Turk. Still others flew to far off lands like Mexico and the United States of America. This scattering is a common tragic theme in Goon literature, as is the dream of a 'Goon Homeland' that they may all return to someday.
The Goon Diaspora
As Titus Maccius Plautus said "Conquered, We Conquer", so it was in Turkey. Brave resistance partisans inside the Occupied Territories formed the Turkish Liberation Front and succeeded in using their superior numbers at the ballot box to seize power in Turkey. Phaedrus Lidox, one of the principle cultural heroes for Goons, first appeared at this time. Getting his start as a local resistance fighter and part-time physician, Phaedrus earned the respect of his fellow Goons for his courage and his flowing oratory skills. Upon becoming leader of the TLF and later President of Turkey, Phaedrus' first act was to bring a speedy end to the bloody conflict in the Balkans. He forged strong ties with then President of Greece John Daker. Phaedrus's later death by the hands of corrupt officials in the Admin High Court and his later resurrection are the founding legends of the primary Goon religion, Lidoxa. While Goon influence in Turkish politics has since waned, they and their allies in the Jewish Unity Party are still a force to be reckoned with.Mexico was attractive due to its stable economy, need for migrant labor, and the Goon desire to prevent political oppression. Spain and their puppet, Alfonso. Goons moved to Mexico in record numbers, doubling the population of the nation in two months.
In Mexico, Goons started many businesses, mainly because many business owners would not hire them. Goon leadership created a political party, El Gran Partido del Burrito. The GPB swept the mayoral elections on August 20, taking every local position. The GPB then ousted Alfonso from the presidency on September 1. However, President debildevil's election was too late to prevent Spanish aggression. A few days before leaving office, Alfonso and the Congress in a desperate move to eradicate what they saw as the "El Goon Peligro" (The Goon Menace), declared war on Spain. Alfonso entered this war (Ibero-American War) knowing that Mexico could not win and Spain would be able to take over the country. Fortunately, Portugal also joined the war and stopped Spanish aggression.
The Goons continue to be an economic and political powerhouse in Mexico. GPB has held the presidency and most mayoral positions for two terms.
Some Goons, continuing the quest for economic and political independence have moved to the United States of America, specifically in the region of Illinois. The Goon US Leader, elephantman, created a party, No hablo ingles. Elephantman won the mayor's seat in Springfield on August 21, 2008.
Goon numbers in the USA are small, however, it is assured that their power and influence will grow as it has in their previous homes.
Goon Resurgence In Korea
On May, a great resurgence of goons arrived at South Korea. They were forcefully deported to China by the capitalist overlords that resided there, however, they soon gained power in China or West Korea as they would call it. This resurgence is notable since a majority of these goons do not believe in Lidoxa, the religion of the last wave of goons, but in Glorious Leader, the father of all Korean people. The official goon party in China was the Juche Box Party which held a majority of seats in congress in June and the president until he left.
Goon Civil War
A civil war soon broke out between the radical goons led by Kim Jong Rad, and the reformists/traitors under Snayke. Many goons died. Eventualy Snyake betrayed the reformists themselves and joined in with the Chinese; with that the goons slowly left China and were unheard of for months.
Brittany Needs Breathing Room
In December of 2009, Breton Nationalist Party was formed by Goons that left West Korea. They left West Korea due to the debauchery of Snayke. His pandering to the racist Han majority had destroyed any goals of creating a true Socialist state. The goons that made it to Brittany had a purpose to liberate the country and create the greatest socialist nation on Earth. These goons decided to defend the Brittany minority against the racist French majority. France had created multiple policies in the e-world of a cultural genocide on Brittany. Nevertheless, Breton Nationalist Party is the only bulwark against France and Capitalism.